Hey, has anyone noticed how this blog has become all-baby-all-the-time lately? Which is funny, because I’m actually working on the dissertation. Making progress. Making thoughts hold hands and skip down the paper together. But I can’t be bothered with any kind of meta-analysis because HOLY CRAP I’M DUE IN A MONTH. And it’s becoming more and more obvious to me how little I know about children, and babies, and little baby children. Did I mention that Wizard and I have a combined total of ZERO experience with babies? I know more about taking care of puppies. Sure, I’m cool with the five-and-up crowd, but I have never in my life held an infant. I haven’t even seen one up close. I am the first of my friends to have a child. I am alone in the wilderness.
Yesterday we went to Babies R’(!) Us to check out the strollers and cribs, which is something we’ve been avoiding because, as I posted earlier, we’re still living under the shadow of the October Scare, not to mention the fact that we both come from superstitious-by-nature ethnic cultures that don’t allow for extensive pre-birth prep. My mother-in-law actually told us to buy what we need and then leave it at the store. Serious adherents to those kinds of rules won’t allow any baby things into the house before the baby himself goes through the door. So anyway, we’re looking at all of the stuff, and I keep saying, “Oh, we don’t need that.” “That’s stupid.” “Who would pay that much for THAT?” Because I’m pretty much convinced that consumer culture drives us to think kids require far more stuff than they actually need, not to mention the fact that “getting” a baby seems akin to “getting” a house, what with the decorating and accessorizing and such. And I’m not “getting” a baby, I’m “having” a baby, and I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t need his stroller to match his crib to match his diaper bag to match his watchamajig.
But then Wizard asks, “Are we being smart consumers or are we completely misguided?” He’s on this worry-kick lately, worried that the baby needs his own room, worried that maybe he’ll be sensory-deprived because we don’t have a tricked-out nursery, worried that there’s some kind of magical combo of goods and services we can offer the child that will maximize his IQ and future earnings potential. And as much as my gut says, “Dude, he needs attention and interaction, not STUFF” part of me realizes that I have absolutely no idea what’s right and I might be royally fucking this up.
Look, I have no kids, which basically means I’m talking (typing) out of my ass, but I’m going to do it anyway.
You’ll be fine, the baby will be fine. I would suggest buying a book or two (I think my sister-in-law got those “What to Expect” books, but I can’t recommend any myself) and trusting your gut.
I’d never say this to people who already have kids, but having dogs and training puppies isn’t all that different. Sure, you can’t throw the kid in a kennel and go to lunch, but look at it this way – kids are far less mobile than puppies in the beginning. That gives you time to adjust and hone your skills.
My brother and sister-in-law have done okay with my nephew, but from observing their experience, let me give you some tips:
- Reprimanding your child or forcing him to do something he doesn’t want to do isn’t being mean, it’s called parenting. You’re not there to be his friend. Also, it may mean he isn’t potty trained until he is FOUR.
- If you let him point and grunt to get what he wants, he won’t learn to verbalize.
- Don’t give him an old computer keyboard (cell phone, etc.) to play with and then get mad when he messes with the real thing – he doesn’t know the difference. This is much like giving a puppy an old sock or shoe.
- When your 4 year old gets annoyed because you’re blocking his view of the TV, it’s time to turn it OFF.
Keep in mind that no matter what you do, as some point or another the kid will hate you, resent you, think you did it all wrong.
Everyone is scared shitless when they bring a new baby home – even those with some experience, but in the end, it all works out. It’ll be okay – y’all are smart – you’ll figure it out.
Good job with the dissertation progress! I turn in the full draft to committee on Monday, then defend on 4/3. I guess if I get too nervous I can just think to myself, “hey, at least I’m not having a baby!” haha – kidding! On the other hand, when you’re ready to defend, it’ll be nothing. What’s a dissertation defense after giving birth, right?
It will all be okay…
Sarah
Hey, thanks. :) I suffer a serious lack of friends/siblings with kids, so I welcome whatever advice I can get.
You are, what a little over a week from defending? That is so awesome. Good luck!
Yes, I defend on the 3rd. I can’t believe I’m almost done with this thing. I won’t know what to do with myself…
How’s the baby cooking and dissertation writing coming?
Neither of them wants to come out!!!