Thank god for this list thing. It is making my Monday morning, which will be spent with students who insist on correcting grammar mistakes in papers that make less sense than the success of Vh1’s The Pickup Artist, slightly more livable. So, picking up the thread of yesterday’s post, this list contains more details on my mother-in-law (who called yesterday and left a message saying, “Hi, it’s ______’s mom.” Um, I know what your voice sounds like, but thanks!).
1. She survived mass genocide in Europe. At the age of one.
2. She started smoking at 12 because the teachers in France apparently handed out cigarettes as rewards.
3. She speaks…let’s see…three languages fluently, another two very well, and Spanish because “it’s just like Italian. How could I not?”
4. She served as some sort of code-breaker person in her country’s army.
5. She still wears high heels.
6. When the Minister of Something or Other comes to her house for dinner, her country’s equivalent of the Secret Service has to check the place out first.
7. She’s trained as an architect but defines herself as a sculptor/painter.
8. She wears huge jewelry that I could never pull off.
9. All of this stuff didn’t come to my attention through bragging or name drops or self-advertisment. This is just her normal life.
Wow, your MIL sounds awesome, if, um. . .intimidating!
Wow, she sounds way cooler than *my* MIL, who only insists that my dog is crazy because we feed her raw meat, and spends her free time thinking up ways to renovate MY house. Wanna trade?
Becky: Seriously. My best friend described her as “intense” and “in command of the room” when she met her at our wedding, and this particular friend isn’t one to over-react (unlike, um, me). This helps me feel justified in my complaining to the internets. :)
Keely: wait, let me guess, the raw meat has given the dog a taste for blood, right?
I don’t have a dog and I live in an apartment, so your MIL would have nothing to do here…which would probably drive her out of her mind. I say we should swap.