If you reference the Twitter at right, you’ll see that a few days ago, I was cornered by my advisor whilst on the way to the bathroom. She said hi. I was going to keep right on walking with the feigned urgency that says, “I’d love to chat, really I would, but I simply must relieve myself immediately,” until she said,
“How’s the proposal going?”
I said the truth, which is, “It’s not.”
And she also responded with the truth, which was, “Okay, because I thought you were going to ‘whip out’ a version before the end of the summer.”
Yes, this is what we had discussed during a meeting nearly a month ago. I said I had some ideas, she said I was ready to write a draft, I was incredulous but said, okay. Now she’s calling me on it, and I’m a little screwed. Had I been less prepared in that meeting, she’d be expecting less of me now. Instead, she wants me to get moving so I can “get where [I] need to be.” Yes. The time threat. No matter that I am already behind the rest of the people in my year. She wants to see me working to catch up.
Oh-me-oh-my-oh.
I think I’ve forgotten how to write. Or maybe it’s this: maybe, after exams, one loses the ability to write without pressure, at home, under any conditions which are not “THREE QUESTIONS. FOUR HOURS. CAREER HANGING IN THE BALANCE. GO!” The last significant bit of writing really was my specialization exam, which took place in April.
Bad. Bad bad baddy bad.
